Pilgrims Hospices help family make lasting memories during COVID-19
In January 2021, Malcolm Ball from Oare near Faversham was referred to Pilgrims for pain management of his terminal colorectal cancer.
He and partner Amanda Brown decided they wanted to become civil partners; they’d been together 20 years but never married.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, opportunities to do this were limited, but Pilgrims helped to make it happen and give the family memories that will last forever.
COVID-19 has presented unique challenges for hospice care, with restrictions impacting on peoples’ end-of-life experiences. Despite this, Pilgrims has adapted and continued to go above and beyond for patients and families in these extraordinarily difficult times.
After a few weeks in the Canterbury hospice, Malcolm found that not only was his pain stabilised, but also that the hospice itself came to feel like a refuge. He made friends with other patients and staff, particularly Steve Allwright, a Healthcare Assistant (HCA).
Amanda said: “It made an enormous difference to him that Pilgrims staff were always on call, ensuring he received the best care. Steve felt like a friend to Malcolm and made the hospice feel like a home away from home.
“Everyone at Pilgrims went beyond the call of duty to look after us, both emotionally and physically. Martyn Yates, Spiritual Care and Complementary Therapy Lead, was fantastic in helping us organise our civil partnership. We planned for it to happen in Sittingbourne but Malcolm was very poorly by the set date, so with Martyn’s help we sought an exceptional licence to marry in our own home.
“However, when the day came, Malcolm was anxious and didn’t think he’d be able to leave the hospice, which had become a place of sanctuary and safety for him. With his sister, Karen, and brother-in-law, Tim, waiting outside to bring him home, our plans looked in jeopardy.
“Steve, who was off work that day, gave up his time to come in and chivvy Malcolm into the car: “Do you want to get married?” Malcolm replied yes, so Steve said, “Well come on then, I’ll come with you, let’s go”. And with that Malcolm came home for a fantastic ceremony surrounded by flowers. Our son, Emil, and his partner, Tracy, were witnesses. We couldn’t have a party due to lockdown, but the ceremony was broadcast via Zoom to family and friends near and far.”
Malcolm with his son, Emil
Steve added: “During the time Malcolm spent with us, I got to know him quite well. Even through his tough days we always had time to chat and I was honoured to accompany him to his wedding. Amanda was a tower of strength during Malcolm’s illness and he could not have picked a better partner to help him through his journey. It was a privilege to have known them both.”
Steve also helped Malcolm produce a voice recording to leave as a legacy for Amanda, using The Blackbird Project initiative developed by Pilgrims.
Steve said: “One Saturday morning, Malcolm and I sat down and scripted an agenda of his life with Amanda; there were around twenty five parts to his story. Once we had put this in place, Della Green, Occupational Therapist, recorded Malcolm’s story with him, which was then transferred to a memory stick and given to Amanda. I think it was one of the longest recordings ever made since the conception of The Blackbird Project, over an hour long.”
Amanda added: “It feels very special being able to hear Malcolm’s voice now, talking about our life together. It’s hard too while things are still raw, but I know that having the recording of him speaking about some of the things that meant the most to us both will be a lasting comfort.”
In those last days, everyone at Pilgrims did all they could to allow me as much time as possible with Malcolm, calling me back overnight when there were changes, and I was able to be with him at the end. That care and consideration has done much to ease the trauma of the last year.
Amanda
Malcolm stayed at home for three weeks after the ceremony before returning to the hospice for his final days, as he had wanted.
Amanda continued: “In those last days, everyone at Pilgrims did all they could to allow me as much time as possible with Malcolm, calling me back overnight when there were changes, and I was able to be with him at the end. That care and consideration has done much to ease the trauma of the last year.
“Pilgrims is the most amazing place. I feel so lucky, as I know Malcolm did, that we were able to benefit from the care offered. If only there could be a Pilgrims or other such hospice everywhere; to have that level of individual attention and care is something I wish for everyone.
It’s been such a comfort since Malcolm’s death to be able (with a little licence) to talk about us as husband and wife, and to have the memory of our wedding in our living room, with the support and love of family and friends watching it online, however distant. I hadn’t realised how important it would feel to me, but it means the world.
Amanda
“And as for our civil partnership ceremony, it wouldn’t have happened without the enormous generosity and pure kindness of all the staff involved; Steve above all, but also everyone who went above and beyond. On the day itself, when I started to think it might all fall through if Malcolm couldn’t get home, I discovered that behind the scenes, Pilgrims and the register office staff had been working together to try to ensure it could happen.
“It’s been such a comfort since Malcolm’s death to be able (with a little licence) to talk about us as husband and wife, and to have the memory of our wedding in our living room, with the support and love of family and friends watching it online, however distant. I hadn’t realised how important it would feel to me, but it means the world.”
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
1st July 2021
Sandi’s London Marathon for running buddies and Pilgrims Hospices
Sandi Starling from Ashford will take on the Virgin Money London Marathon for Pilgrims Hospices on Sunday 3 October 2021. She is a volunteer run leader for Hamstreet Runners, and is raising money in memory of fellow group member, Mark Hinson, and the spouses of two others who were all cared for by Pilgrims.
Sandi has already raised more than £1,200 for hospice care across east Kent, aiming to reach her £2,000 fundraising target before the big day.
Mark after winning his age category for Hamstreet Runners at Wittersham 5-mile run in 2016
In 2020, during lockdown, Mark was diagnosed with kidney cancer and died within three months. Sandi said:
“It was a massive shock to all of us, not least his wife, Belinda, and daughter, Anna, who are also members of our running group. Mark was a lovely man and a really helpful runner; he always took the time to help others. Many of us are still getting over his sudden loss.
“Belinda told me how lovely Pilgrims staff were when they cared for Mark in his final days, especially during the difficult situation with COVID. They made sure that Belinda and Anna could talk to Mark on the phone and video call when visiting was restricted.”
Two other group members – Ian Kirby and Julie Buckland – experienced Pilgrims’ care when their spouses, Nicky and Guy, spent time in the Ashford hospice at the end of their lives. Both spoke very highly of the care that Nicky and Guy received.
Ian said: “Nicky spent her last days in a quiet room at the hospice. The care and sensitivity shown by staff was such a help at a very dark and traumatic time. They do incredible work in very difficult circumstances, and they deserve our gratitude and support.”
I’m running in Mark’s memory, to say thank you to all the Pilgrims team who made his very last days the best they could be. I want people to realise that the hospice is a fantastic place and be aware of the services it provides.
Sandi
Sandi continued: “To have had two runners lose their spouses was awful for them, but as a running group the loss of Mark really hit us. We are so grateful for what Pilgrims did for him.
“Due to COVID, we couldn’t attend Mark’s funeral or do anything to celebrate his life. Our running group stood on the village green as he made his final journey, all wearing our running tops to say our goodbyes, but I wanted to do more. Running the London Marathon for Pilgrims will be a perfect way to honour Mark, raising money for the charity that helped him when he needed it most. Although he would have been able to run those 26.2 miles in half the time I will!”
Ian and Nicky
Sandi has run marathons before but this year’s London Marathon will be a very special event. She is being supported in her fundraising by family and friends, and is planning a coffee morning where people can pay to run and eat cake afterwards.
She added: “I’m running in Mark’s memory, to say thank you to all the Pilgrims team who made his very last days the best they could be. I want people to realise that the hospice is a fantastic place and be aware of the services it provides. One of my current runners, Charlotte Davies, is a Pilgrims nurse, and I often say to her that people who give end-of-life care are heroes.”
Sandi
Charlotte said: “The ability to continue providing high quality end-of-life care that is free to patients and their relatives is imperative. As a nurse, I see first-hand what it does for people. Home visits, accessing physio, occupational therapy and counselling support; all this enables people to try and live with as much quality as possible. I’m sometimes asked if Pilgrims services are free, and people are surprised to learn that there is no cost to them.
“Fundraising like Sandi’s is vital to Pilgrims; it helps ensure we can continue reaching the people who need us.”
Sandi continued: “It won’t be fast or pretty, and who knows what it will be like on the actual day with restrictions, but I’m determined to run those 26.2 miles. All the way round I’ll be thinking: “Mark would run this twice as fast as me but would stay with me if I needed help.”
“I’ll be motivated knowing that he’ll be with me somewhere when the going gets tough, saying: “You didn’t need to do this for me”, but I wanted to do something and this is it.”
Inspired to follow in Sandi’s footsteps and run the London Marathon for Pilgrims? Charity places for 2022 are available; apply here.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
25th June 2021
Hospice nurse Charlotte runs seaside Brighton Marathon for Pilgrims
Charlotte Davies (35) from Ashford is a community Palliative Specialist Nurse at Pilgrims Hospices, so she witnesses first-hand the positive impact Pilgrims’ care has across east Kent.
As a keyworker, Charlotte has continued to work on the frontline throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, but her support for the charity doesn’t stop there. On 12 September 2021, she will run the Brighton Marathon to raise vital funds for Pilgrims and help ensure its services remain free to all those who need them.
Charlotte in her Pilgrims uniform
Charlotte worked in intensive care before joining Pilgrims in 2014; initially a community nurse, she changed roles to work as the Ward Sister for one year. After maternity leave, she returned to Pilgrims as a community nurse, a role that she enjoys immensely.
Charlotte completed a degree in End of Life Care in 2015 and began an MSc in Palliative and End of Life Care in 2019.
She said: “As a Pilgrims community nurse, I’m privileged to visit people in their own homes. We provide holistic care, including symptom management advice, psycho-social support and referrals to both internal and external services. Being able to continue providing high quality end-of-life care to people in east Kent is imperative. Pilgrims services are free, and fundraising ensures that we can keep offering them.
“So many people are kind enough to take time out from their busy lives to raise money to ensure our patients and relatives continue to receive the care they need.”
Charlotte originally planned to run the Brighton Marathon as her first ever marathon, but then COVID hit and the event was postponed – first to April 2021 and then to October 2021. So instead, her debut marathon was the Kent Spring Marathon in October 2020, which she also ran in aid of Pilgrims.
Being able to continue providing high quality end-of-life care to people in east Kent is imperative. Pilgrims services are free, and fundraising ensures that we can keep offering them.
Charlotte
As part of her fundraising for Brighton, Charlotte is selling colourful memory ribbons; these are being sewn to her Pilgrims vest, which she will wear on marathon day, and each one will have written on it the name of someone who has died. Anyone can purchase a memory ribbon, and they are not only for people who have been cared for by Pilgrims.
Charlotte’s memory ribbons
Charlotte said: “My aim is to run in memory of people, regardless of who they were or where and when they died – for example, four ribbons are for my grandparents who weren’t cared for by Pilgrims. They are a visual reminder of who I’m running for. This makes it all the more personal for me; I will be honoured to run in memory of so many people and when the going gets tough over 26.2 miles, I’ll be reminded why I’m running.
“If someone would like a ribbon, they can donate via my JustGiving page and tell me the name to go on it by leaving a comment when they donate. I’ve suggested a minimum donation of £3 per ribbon, but people have been giving more than that, which is lovely! Any amount is much appreciated.”
Lydia Todd, Challenge Events Fundraiser, said: “Charlotte has been waiting so long to run Brighton Marathon and I can’t wait to finally see her cross the finish line and receive her well-deserved medal. Charlotte’s idea to run in memory of people, by carrying their memory ribbon with her, is truly heart-warming. It’s turning her fundraising, and personal challenge, into a community event and it’s amazing to see people come out to support her efforts in full force. We’re proud to have her as a member of #TeamPilgrims!”
Charlotte added: “People can sometimes be surprised to learn that Pilgrims’ services are free. Through fundraising, we can help ensure that they remain accessible to all those who need palliative care and support in east Kent.”
You can keep up to date with the Charlotte’s fundraising journey and purchase memory ribbons on her JustGiving page.
Inspired to follow in Charlotte’s footsteps and run the Brighton Marathon for Pilgrims? Charity places are available; register here by 5 August 2021.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
