Deborah Appleton’s dad, Wally, and husband, Pete, each received Pilgrims Hospices’ vital end-of-life care, so she now remembers them as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love campaigns.
Here, Deborah shares why remembering her loved ones in this way is so important.
Deborah’s dad, Wally
When Dad started to become ill, my sister and I decided we would care for him at home for as long as we were able. It wasn’t an easy task, we did the best we could but he was going downhill rapidly.
We sat and talked with him about going into the hospice as we all knew it was only a matter of time. At first he refused to go, then one evening he took a turn for the worse and asked us to ring the hospice. That was the first encounter I had with the hospice; we didn’t know what to expect, how he would be looked after or anything about how it worked.
We needn’t have worried. The staff at the hospice were absolutely amazing. They explained everything to us in a way we could understand, and each and every one of them treated our dad as though treating one of their own loved ones. The attention, compassion, gentleness and devotion to their patient knew no bounds – not just for Dad, but also for us as a family. They didn’t just care for Dad in a medical way, they were also there with advice and for any help we needed from there on in, reassuring us that they were there for us not just at that time but whenever we felt we needed them. That’s when I realised just how special the people who work at the hospice are.
That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair. That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally.
Deborah
So, over the years that have passed the hospice and all of its staff have been a very big and important part of my life. I always love attending the carol service, which was sadly marred by the dreaded COVID outbreak, but the sentiment and feeling was as beautiful as ever. That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair.
That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally. There’s a sunflower quote that says, “Our stories and struggles are all different, but we each deserve to bloom, something will grow from the pain and anguish you are going through, and the something… will be you!”
Deborah and Pete
Then last year, the worst news I could ever have expected suddenly took my breath away and ripped my heart and my world to shreds.
My beautiful husband, best friend, constant companion and confidant, soulmate, twin flame and complete love of my life for the past 40 years was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Within three months I had lost the only man I have ever and will ever love. There was barely a day we were not together; we worked together, played together, laughed, cried, you name it, we did it together.
My whole life felt like somewhere I didn’t want to be anymore, but we fought the battle together and with the help of my sons and daughter we gave it everything we had.
We nursed Pete at home at first, but he had a fall and was taken to hospital, where they found he had two broken ribs, so he didn’t come home. We were blessed though because staff from the hospice came and took him with them. He was a different person while he was in there. Cheeky, contented and had 100% faith in all of the staff. They were wonderful with him; if I couldn’t look after him at home, I can think of no place nor people better that I could or would have left him with.
My darling Pete passed a week later. We made a pact when we were first together all those years ago, that whoever went first wouldn’t completely go until it was time for the other. I’m proud and lucky to say, “My Pete did not let me down”. I’m as proud of him as I have ever been, and know that no matter what, one day we will unite as that one spark we have always been.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 30 July 2022.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
25th April 2022
Pilgrims Hospices launches new supporter club after success of emergency COVID-19 appeal
It has been an unexpectedly difficult time for Pilgrims Hospices, as it has for many. When the pandemic began, the local hospice charity had to ask most of its volunteers to stay at home, close its shops, cancel or postpone many fundraising activities, and stop its Lottery door collections.
Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Officer, said: “Our vital work did not stop, and it has only been with our community’s help that we have continued providing compassionate care and support at our three hospices and in the community.”
In May 2020, Pilgrims launched an emergency appeal, Still Here, Still Caring, to help bring in funds to ensure it could continue providing care and support to the people of east Kent throughout the pandemic.
Ellie added: “I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who supported the Still Here, Still Caring appeal. Our local community demonstrated what an incredible force they are; since the start of the pandemic, they helped us raise over £324,000! This amazing amount is enough to fully fund our community teams for over two and a half months.”
Being able to predict and have assurance in our income is the only way that we can continue to deliver the best possible care. This is why I’m delighted to share that we are launching Pilgrims Hospices Always Caring, a committed supporter club that, through regular direct debit donations, makes an impact every day
Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Officer
Now, almost two years on from when the pandemic began, Pilgrims further recognises the importance of monthly, regular support.
Ellie continued: “Being able to predict and have assurance in our income is the only way that we can continue to deliver the best possible care. This is why I’m delighted to share that we are launching Pilgrims Hospices Always Caring, a committed supporter club that, through regular direct debit donations, makes an impact every day, securing Pilgrims care for future generations.
“By joining this exclusive club, those who are able to support Pilgrims in this way will be helping us continue to provide our expert care and support to families across east Kent, now and in the future. We will know that no matter what we face, we can get through it, together.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
14th April 2022
Sponsor a Nurse appeal
None of us know when we might need hospice care, but your support has helped ensure we can continue to be here at the most difficult time in people’s lives.
Being faced with an illness that cannot be cured is something none of us want to think about, but we do all want to know that there will be someone to help us should we need them.
Since 2013, the Sponsor a Nurse appeal has raised an incredible £248,000 to support the care that Pilgrims Hospices offers.
Working within the hospice environment and meeting patients opens your eyes to what passion, empathy, dignity and respect truly mean. Working at Pilgrims gives us all time to appreciate what we have in our own lives, and puts the preciousness of life into perspective.
Beverley Allen, Community Registered General Nurse, Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
We take the time to listen
Sarah Martins
When a patient is referred to Pilgrims, we take the time to listen to and talk with them to find out what worries them most. We know that every patient is unique and we tailor all our care to what works best for them.
“I consider myself very privileged to support patients and their families at end of life; it underpins all that nursing is for me. We know that we can’t change the destination but we can change the journey.
Time, patience, specialist knowledge and humour keep us connected to our patients. We respect them as individuals and are able to connect on a human level, we give the care we would want and expect our loved ones to receive if they needed it and that is nearly all funded by the amazing general public.”
Sarah Martins, Senior Ward Sister, Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury
Bringing nurses to the bedside
Mandy Timms
Because we believe that everyone has the right to care, comfort, compassion and dignity in their final days, weeks, months or years, we provide all of our care free of charge.
“Pilgrims is a wonderful organisation to work for and I feel very privileged to come to work here every day. My role is so varied, involving community, clinic and home visits, and I never know what each day will bring. It is humbling spending time with patients who open their hearts and allow us to accompany them on their journeys.”
Mandy Timms, Advanced Nurse Practitioner
Giving the gift of care
Pilgrims is here so that patients do not come to their end-of-life journeys in pain or distress.
By sponsoring a nurse, our supporters have helped to ease pain, offer comfort, provide reassurance and help someone live their life to the full in the time that they have.
We support the whole person’s wellbeing to help them really live their last days. We treat people as individuals by offering them choices.
If you would like to continue supporting Pilgrims nurses, you can do so by joining Always Caring, a club of committed supporters who choose to make regular, monthly donations to Pilgrims Hospices.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
21st March 2022
Always Caring: Peggy’s story
As a member of Pilgrims Hospices Always Caring, Peggy Davis supports the charity with a monthly donation, after the care and support she and her sister, Val, received.
In December 2020, my sister, Val, was cared for at the Canterbury hospice for her final week. Near the end of her life, she was in quite a lot of pain, and a district nurse suggested that Pilgrims get involved to help.
I wanted to keep caring for her myself at home, but when I could no longer help with her pain, she went into the hospice.
In my pride, I thought that I was the only one who could really care for her. But when she went into the hospice, I was truly humbled to see the love and care that everyone there showed to Val. They really went the extra mile to look after her, and to make sure I was alright as well. You often hear how wonderful hospices can be, but until you get there and experience it you don’t know just how wonderful it is. It had such a happy atmosphere whenever I visited, which surprised me as I thought that it would be very quiet and sombre, but it was always very full of life.
I will never ever forget the love and kindness shown to Val, from the little things like massaging her feet, to the lovely chats, and the wonderful nursing.
Peggy
The first few days I visited each morning, but the last few days of Val’s life I was able to stay, and I never felt a pressure to leave. One evening I said to Val it was my time to go home, but she didn’t want me to, so the staff helped make me comfortable in an armchair, and allowed me to stay. They’d always said to me that if they thought Val would die in the night, they would let me know so I could come and we could spend her last hours together.
I will never ever forget the love and kindness shown to Val, from the little things like massaging her feet, to the lovely chats, and the wonderful nursing. Val didn’t sleep very well in that last week, and while they must have been very busy, the nurses would spend time sitting and talking with her about her life; she was a very private person, but they gave her that time.
I will always fully support Pilgrims as much as I can, and when I got Pilgrims Matters and saw that I could support the hospice with a monthly donation, it just felt like the natural thing for me to do.
I think it’s such a lovely thing to do, and a way for me to support the place that gave my sister such wonderful love and care at the end of her life.
None of us know when we might need hospice care, but with your support we can continue to be here for local people when they need us most.
By giving regularly to Pilgrims Hospices you can help us be here, Always Caring for our patients and their families.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
1st March 2022
Make a Will Month celebrates tenth year of supporting hospice care
In April and May 2022, seven solicitor firms across east Kent are generously giving their time and expertise to write or update Wills, in exchange for donations to Pilgrims Hospices.
This year marks the 10th anniversary of the hospice charity’s Make a Will Month scheme, normally held in February, which has raised over £170,000 for hospice care. For 2022, appointments will be available throughout April and May* for those who wish to make or amend Single or Mirror Wills.
We’ve heard first-hand just how invaluable the work of Pilgrims really is. Many clients choose to support them when drafting their Wills, so we are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to show our support too!
Zara King, Stilwell & Singleton
Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Officer, said:
“We’re delighted to say that we are building on the previous success of this appeal by welcoming two new solicitor firms for Make a Will Month 2022. Martin Tolhurst in Ashford, and Stilwell & Singleton in Deal, Dover and Sandwich have joined us to help more people in east Kent get their Will made.”
One of the many lessons the COVID-19 pandemic has taught is the importance of being prepared for the unexpected, and part of this is ensuring you have a Will in place so you have the reassurance of knowing your wishes will be fulfilled after you’ve gone.
Ellie added: “I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the firms that have supported Pilgrims over the last ten years by partnering with us for Make a Will Month, and encourage everyone in east Kent to take this chance to make or update their Will whilst supporting their local hospice.”
Your Will is such an important document and there can be no doubt it is worth doing it properly. Making an appointment with one of our experts is a great way to donate to a crucial local charity and receive something of significant benefit to you and your family in return.
Simon Crooks, Boys & Maughan Solicitors
There are seven solicitor firms taking part in Make a Will Month 2022:
Suggested donations are £150 for a straightforward single Will, or £250 for an uncomplicated double Will. Those taking part are also welcome to donate more if they choose. An additional charge will be agreed with the chosen solicitor for a more complex Will.
*Participating month may differ from firm to firm; please check with firms directly.
For more information, including a full list of participating solicitors and their contact details, visit pilgrimshospices.org/makeawill.
Please contact your preferred firm directly to make an appointment.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
20th December 2021
Trees of Love raises £1 million for hospice care!
This year, Pilgrims Hospices welcomed over 1,200 people to their Trees of Love remembrance services, held throughout December 2021, at the hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, and at indoor venues in New Romney, River, Cheriton, Charing and Barham.
Those remembering lost loved ones this Christmas dedicated doves to hang on the trees at each venue, or at home, to be illuminated throughout the festive season. All were then invited to join together to share their memories at the event or service of their choosing, where they enjoyed carol singing and warm mince pies.
This year also marks an incredible achievement for east Kent’s largest remembrance services, as Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Officer, explains:
“This very important remembrance service has been running for more than 20 years, and in that time we are pleased to say that we have just reached the milestone of raising over £1 million for the hospices! We’d like to thank all those who’ve supported this appeal over the years, and also to our incredible volunteers who help us make it happen each and every year.”
Pilgrims partnered once again this year with Firmager Funeral Directors, All Souls Church and School, St Peter and St Paul Church, and the Westerleigh Group to put on these very special events, allowing more people in east Kent who have lost loved ones to attend.
Ellie added: “The response to the appeal has been incredible, and we want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has dedicated a dove so far this year, and on previous years. Your support has meant we can continue to be still here, still caring even during difficult times.”
Pilgrims will continue to take donations for dedicated doves across the festive season. Contact their Supporter Relations Team on 01227 782 062 or visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove to donate and dedicate a dove.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
